My Still Heart
by MarahxXx
Summary: Bella ponders over Edwards departure. His leaving hits her pretty hard...


Disclaimer: Twilight and the characters belong to S. Meyers; Lyrics to Angels belong to Within Temptation.

A/N: My first fanfic, please review! Don't know if i should continue, or leave as a one shot..?

Twilight One shot

**My Heart**

**Bella POV **

"I love you Edward, please come back to me, I need you," I sat there, cold, frozen, motionless, unmoving, like a stone. My heart felt as though it was stationary, inactive, as though it was incapable of pumping what was left of my life around of me. Ironic really, how it reminded me of vampires.

Vampire, that word ringing through my lifeless mind. Vampires are immortal, they live forever, they can enjoy life, the little sounds, and the shining sun bouncing and glittering against their hard, diamond like bodies. I remember the beauty of it, and (although he wouldn't agree) the life.

The thought of Him made by mind body and soul cripple again in pain, as the rain started to pelt down. I gasped as his memory ripped through me, His sparkling golden eyes, his pale smooth strong skin, his gentle ever caring hands, how he used to hold me when I cried and hurt.

Oh how I wish he was here now, to hold me, wipe away my tears of desperation, erase my fears, destroy my pain, tell me everything was going to be alright. But it wasn't was it? Not now, that the sky was thundering, releasing the screams that I so desperately held inside of myself, the water was gushing down, hammering onto my face, covering up my own tears, numbing me, all over again.

My clothes were soaked to my skin, I was shivering, and somehow I doubted it was due to the cold.

'Hah, the cold', I thought, cold like the loveable Vampires! If I was a vampire, I wouldn't be physically ne affected by the rain, shivering uncontrollably; I would be breathtaking, just as He was. If I was a vampire then I could just sit here forever, still as a stone, immobile.

Forever, that dreaded word again. Was that the reason he wouldn't change me on the night of Prom? The reason he left me all alone in the forest, never looking back, not once. He didn't want me around forever, he got bored of me, all of them had gotten bored of me.

Did he know how he had smashed by heart up into tiny pieces and taken them with him? I was never going to be able to mend it ever again. Did he find it amusing to see me gushing over him, to have my breath hitch whenever his name was mentioned, to have my knees felt like jelly whenever he came into sight? Was he at peace, knowing how forlorn and broken i was due to his departure. Was he not bothered about how his words that day in the forest had broken and crippled me? How his eyes, his face, and especially his words haunt me not only the confined darkness of the night, but also during the day, when I had to conceal my fears and cries. Was I just a distraction to him?

_Sparkling angel I believe  
You were my saviour in my time of need.  
Blinded by faith I couldn't hear  
All the whispers, the warnings so clear.  
I see the angels,  
I'll lead them to your door.  
There's no escape now,  
No mercy no more.  
No remorse cause I still remember_

_The smile when you tore me apart.  
You took my heart,  
Deceived me right from the start.  
You showed me dreams,  
I wished they'd turn into real.  
You broke a promise and made me realize.  
It was all just a lie._

_Sparkling angel, I couldn't see  
Your dark intentions, your feelings for me.  
Fallen angel, tell me why?  
What is the reason, the thorn in your eye?  
I see the angels,  
I'll lead them to your door  
There's no escape now  
No mercy no more  
No remorse cause I still remember_

_The smile when you tore me apart  
You took my heart,  
Deceived me right from the start.  
You showed me dreams,  
I wished they'd turn into real.  
You broke a promise and made me realize.  
It was all just a lie.  
Could have been forever.  
Now we have reached the end._

_This world may have failed you,  
It doesn't give you reason why.  
You could have chosen a different path in life._

_The smile when you tore me apart.  
You took my heart,  
Deceived me right from the start.  
You showed me dreams,  
I wished they'd turn into real.  
You broke a promise and made me realize.  
It was all just a lie.  
Could have been forever.  
Now we have reached the end._

**(Angels- Within Temptation)**

Yes, Edward was a sparkling Angel. No he was not a Fallen Angel. He was not cruel or cold hearted. He was kind, caring, honest, and loving. He did not lie all those times when he claimed to have loved me. He had NOT smiled at our bitter parting. I realise now that he how was in pain when he was tearing me apart. I realise now that there must have been a reason to as why he had left me so abruptly, why oh why Edward did you do this to me, and yourself? Wherever you are, I hope that you are clinging on to life better than I am. Please.

I try to heave myself up, it was getting late, and I need to make Charlie his dinner. No, i decide, I need to find out where the Cullen's are, where Edward is, I need to see him, to feel him, make sure he's ok. I need to find out the truth.

My legs and arms feel heavy, they are still stationary, I will them to move. My limbs ignore me. I somehow manage to crawl to a large drenched tree; I cling to it as though my life depended on it. To be honest it did, I thought dizzily, I was sure I was standing immobile waiting for my legs to come back to life. But the ground beneath me was swaying, I couldn't see properly, my vision was getting hazy, my breath was becoming laboured. I was losing all feeling in my body, I was getting numb, not the sort that over took me when I was trying out block out the pain, but a different numbness, I was losing control and feeling of not only my body, but also my mind.

What's happening? I felt puzzled, this feeling was so strange, was I ill? No! I can't be! I had to go find Edward! Edward! Oh God Edward! I can see him! As my eyes are starting to close, I can just about see his perfectly sculptured figure, his chiselled face, i can almost touch him, smell him!

"Bella?" hmm my imagination seems to be portraying him as perplexed, he sounds almost confused, and scared. But I can't be too sure because it was at that time my mind decided to shut down, and cease to think. I fell back to the floor and gulp my last conscious breath, in that breath I smell something strange. Not just the damp of the trees, or the rain, but a sweet, almost minty smell, with that last memory I drift.


End file.
